Good things take time

I have notes with few sentences, vocal notes even about what getting back to writing would look like in my mind… The desire was coming back over the past months but it’s not just about what I want. It was more about what I could actually do.

Writing requires time, energy and a clear mind to arrange my thoughts so you don’t feel like you’re peering into the brain of a mad woman (although you kind of are, and well it was your choice to be here so…)
The only creative matters I could take on were coloring and singing, that is it. I had no bandwidth for more, at all.

I remember telling myself and close friends several time throughout the past year that this year has been one of the most challenging years of my life but that it also was one of the most beautiful also for some weird reasons.
If you wanted to get an idea of what mixed feelings would look like, that’s my year for you. Heavy fears, grief, fatigue, depression but also incredibly loud laughs, beautiful travels, life-changing events…

So I got back into writing slowly until I stumbled upon a writing class dedicated to the art of short stories, not at all what I am used to but who cares. Writing is about putting words to paper, so I was pretty sure this would do.

I am creating this after completing the 3 week cycle of this creative writing class, and I feel revived, it was like CPR for my creativity. Getting in a room to talk about literature, writing and exchanging with strangers was exactly what I needed to get back on track.

So here I am, getting back on the horse that bucked a bit too hard for me in January.
I hope these notes and thoughts will help you as much as they help me. I highly encourage you to give your opinion, disagree with me, or just share a thought, because I just love a nuanced piece (and I can only get so far on my own).

Business as usual

Getting back to these thoughts, over 10 years after a very deep depressive episode was my worst nightmare. I knew I was doing the right thing and getting the help I needed but this felt so brutal. Side effects to anti-depressants are no joke, and the fatigue that comes with depression is not like anything I’ve experienced my entire life. It’s like your brain does not function at it’s regular rhythm.
To me it looked like mistakes in my job, so having someone to double check everything I did, it also meant being slower – way slower… This was the hard part because this meant I had to step back, lean on other people, lean on systems, and be fully transparent with clients about what was going on.

I had to make tough calls, ending contracts I could no longer support. Choosing health and family over business. I had to cut my business development, cancelling a product development, pausing projects like the newsletter and the blog.

I could not even practice yoga or run anymore, a daily walk was a challenge and not one I enjoyed. The only habit I kept this entire time was to stay hydrated…

I felt like a failure, like I was losing everything I worked so hard for and I had to put on a brave face and keep doing the bare minimum because I could not lose it all and I knew I would get better.

I just didn’t know when.

I kept being present on social media and invested so I got support in my content creation process. I heavily relied on my right hand and I just did the work. This one was in therapy and trust me I would rather fix a hundred funnels and shitty automations than rewire my traumatized, depression prone brain.

The tricky part in all of this is that you do get better, but it’s very small progress and it’s very frustrating. People talk about how hard the journey is when they build a business, they share hardships, but we’re all the same, we keep the very worst to ourselves.
People knew my mom got cancer maybe 4 months after the fact, I never really shared that she almost died because of an infection.

People knew life was hard for me, I never said how many milligrams of xanax it took me to go through the toughest days.

Even here I am keeping some of it to myself, because of intimacy, because of shame, because of social decency…

When you run a business showing yourself as vulnerable is a risk because it puts your reputation on the line. I was so scared of people using this against me, I was so scared of everyone seeing me as weak, not able to deal with tough moments.
But the truth is my clients supported me, we adapted our way of working, they showed me love and empathy the same way I would for any of them. They were patient because just like me they knew this was momentary no matter how shitty it was.

The relationship I have built with my audience, my clients and my closest friends allows me to be vulnerable when life decide to through me a curve ball. It’s not easy for me, writing this is not comfortable but I know this is why people trust me as much as my expertise, my jokes and my pop culture references.

Mental health is not just something to discuss to fit a trend. it’s not just about cute quotes on social media.

We don’t talk enough about how mental health and entrepreneurship are entangled. From the outside, growth looks glamorous: new clients, projects, ideas blooming. But what happens when your personal life implodes, and your business doesn’t pause to wait for you?

For me, entrepreneurship in this season was not about ambition or strategy. It was about collapse management. It was about facing the fear that maybe I couldn’t keep going as a founder, as a woman, as a daughter.

More than ever this has me convinced that knowing yourself, knowing your limits, knowing your signals and knowing your baseline is key to everything. You can’t grow based on the unknown.

Lessons I’m Taking With Me

Here’s what I’ve learned, the hard way:

• Learn your distress signals. The body whispers before it screams. Pay attention before collapse arrives. Documenting you day to day is a great way to keep in touch with what is going on with you.
• Protect your peace in times of crisis. Cut out the noise, simplify, retreat if you must. Your business can survive your silence, and so does people (if they can’t they can show themselves out)
• Prepare for chaos. Build support systems before you need them. When shit hits the fan, you’ll need people and systems to lean on.
• Practice radical gentleness. Healing takes time. Productivity isn’t proof of worth. Making time for your health, your peace, your happiness is not a nice to have it is a must.
• You owe explanations to no one. Not clients, not peers, not social media. Protect your boundaries, people need to learn respect and ownership (you’re not responsible of their feelings).
• Be transparent with your clients. Honesty can be disarming, most people value it far more than perfection.

If you’ve been here since the beginning, thank you for supporting me through all the phases of my writing and building journey. If you’re new, welcome! This is not a space for polished perfection. It’s a space for honesty, clarity, and the occasional pop culture reference.

Growth doesn’t always look like more.
Sometimes, growth looks like survival.

And that counts, too.
Take care of yourself.

Clémence.