Who hasn’t heard the saying, “if the door is closed, climb through the window”? Personally, I love this expression. Recently, one of my clients was working on networking and how this practice is often misunderstood — and unfairly frowned upon.

If I’m being completely honest, I spent a long stretch of my career telling myself I was nobody and that I had no network. Until I took off my blinders and realized the incredible web of connections I had actually built over the years.

Today, I want to talk about a practice that gets a lot of bad press: cold emailing and cold messaging.

I can already picture you rolling your eyes, thinking of those spammy LinkedIn DMs from marketing bros who mansplain a job that isn’t yours — without even taking the time to see who they’re writing to. Don’t worry, I’m not about to defend that approach.

Reaching out to strangers can feel counterintuitive, even like a waste of time. But the last photoshoot I did (with someone other than my usual photographer) happened thanks to a cold message. The person who contacted me did it with tact — no sleaze, no fake urgency. She had clearly understood that our worlds could click, she immediately told me why she was reaching out, and she laid out her offer without pretending my life depended on it. Her sincerity was obvious.

I’m convinced outreach can work if it’s done intelligently. You’re not a call center. It doesn’t have to be as bad as it seems. Worst case? No reply. Maybe even a polite “not interested.” Big deal. I’ve even been recommended by someone I cold-messaged — they liked my email and my deck so much they passed me on. If that’s not proof anything is possible, I don’t know what is.

So I thought I’d share a few tips, since I’ve landed quite a few opportunities this way. Here are the lessons I think are worth remembering:

1. People Are Still People

Yes, it sounds obvious. But when I hesitate to send an email to someone I admire, I remind myself they’re human just like me — not some unreachable deity.

Putting people on pedestals (in business or elsewhere) can actually be dangerous. It puts you in a position of inferiority. Someone once told me: if you keep looking up at others trying to make yourself small, you’ll end up with a hump in your back.

2. Honest Interest First

Don’t overdo it. Be as genuine as possible in your emails. Personally, I only reach out to people who truly inspire me. I never fake admiration for a project or a person just out of self-interest.

3. Do Your Homework

This naturally follows from the previous point. One of the clearest signs of genuine interest is doing your research.

How do you feel when a marketing bro butchers your name or your company in their pitch?

Even if you already follow the person, take the time to go deeper. Personally, I’ll read or listen to interviews, check their website, their socials. I try to tailor my outreach as much as possible (more on that later).

4. Be Clear on Your Ask

Don’t beat around the bush! Be upfront and precise about why you’re reaching out. Figure out beforehand what you expect from the message.

Is it a coffee or a call to get insights on a problem you’re facing? Is it to sell your services? To ask for an introduction?

I don’t see any issue with being asked for something — as long as the request is clear.

5. Make It Personal

When I message someone after doing my research, I adapt both my outreach and the way I present my services (if I’m offering them) to the person’s context.

Anecdote: five years ago, one of my first clients was looking for an intern. She hosted a podcast I listened to obsessively, so I emailed her saying how disappointed I was not to be eligible for the internship anymore. Then I added a PS (a very long one) listing everything I would’ve said if I had been able to apply. I met her the following week. We’re still working together today, and she regularly recommends me. Worth it.

6. Giving Props Is Never Wasted

I often send messages or emails just to say how much I love someone’s work, how their content helps me, or how much joy it brings.

Because connecting with people shouldn’t only happen when you need something. The strongest networks are built outside of “ask” season — so they’re there when you really need them, whether for a job search or a partnership.

Cold outreach won’t always deliver the results you expect. But if you stay open, it might just surprise you.