It’s been six years since I walked away from my last corporate job. Six years since I started hearing comments about my career choices. To be fair, I’ve always heard opinions about my life choices in general—but choosing entrepreneurship and stepping outside the “traditional” model opened the floodgates for unsolicited advice and judgments.

The hardest moment? A very close friend at the time bluntly told me I “hadn’t understood anything” if I preferred paying myself scraps rather than earning €80k a year in consulting firm for the same job. That night, I left the bar where we were celebrating her birthday without saying goodbye, and we never saw each other again.

There will always be people who don’t get it. People who are afraid for me. People who give advice—even though they’ve never done what I’m trying to do. People with opinions about every decision I make.

You learn to grow a thick skin. But more importantly, you learn to protect yourself from all that noise—which, honestly, is easier to avoid than you think.

Here are the lessons I’ve picked up from my long, bumpy training in learning how not to give a damn about what people think.

1. Say bye-bye if they don’t stay cool

Yes, just like NSYNC.

It sounds simple, but cutting ties with disruptive people is the best way to stay on track. You don’t need to keep people in your circle who constantly throw shade without caring about the consequences.

I often talk about the importance of your inner circle—because it’s about choosing who stays but also who goes. And you don’t owe anyone an explanation for drawing that line. If you want to explain, great. If not, that’s perfectly fine too.

2. Make the rules clear

For yourself, and for others.

It’s easy to forget your own rules, especially when life gets messy. That’s why having a “playbook” is so important. These rules are like non-negotiables—the basics for entering your world.

For example, my close ones know: I don’t listen to voice notes longer than 3 minutes (unless it’s a special exception), I put my phone down around 9:30pm, I keep notifications OFF, I don’t do surprise calls (they give me major anxiety), and I need people to tell me the truth as it is, even when it’s tough.

My clients know everything work-related is on Slack. They know I’m off on weekends unless otherwise agreed. And they know I won’t continue a contract if I realize I’m not the best solution for them.

Knowing your rules—and communicating them—sets a framework that filters out problems and problematic people before they even show up.

3. Work on your assertiveness

Because to enforce your rules, you need to be heard.

Sometimes the people who feel entitled to critique your lifestyle or your business are the hardest ones to get through to.

Saying “stop,” reframing people (whether it’s Grandma or Karen-Know-it-all—and yes, sometimes they merge, like my grandmother: Huguette-Know-it-all)… it’s a sport. Especially when you’re a recovering people pleaser (like me).

For me, coaching, EFT (emotional freedom technique), and forcing myself to speak up in simple, everyday situations taught me how to assert myself. Telling my nail tech the color’s wrong. Asking my hairdresser to fix my blow-dry. Sending food back at a restaurant if it’s not cooked properly. These are small but powerful exercises.

So when it comes to telling Grandma that yes, this is a real job—or Jocelyne that no, I’m not about to apply that ridiculous “hack” she saw on Instagram—I might not feel super serene, but I sure as hell won’t let it slide.

4. Walk away from the conversation

Some battles aren’t worth fighting. Choosing your battles means choosing your peace.

There are moments when it’s crucial to stand your ground. But there are also hills not worth dying on. I don’t waste time anymore with people trying to tell me how to do my job when they’ve never run a business (and never will). I don’t engage with those looking for confrontation just for the sake of it. I don’t give energy to sterile conflicts.

It keeps me from talking to walls and shields me from waves of pointless aggression.

Knowing when to withdraw is a superpower—and it starts with knowing your limits.

5. Know your subject

The key is mastering your counter-arguments so you can push back calmly.

Most criticisms and unsolicited advice sound the same. That’s where I use Charlie Munger’s principle: always walk into a debate knowing the other side’s perspective as well as your own.

I know the usual objections by heart—and I know how to respond to each.

That way, I stay calm, in control of the conversation, and clear on when I’m facing a dead end—so I can just walk away.

6. Keep a decision diary

The best way to remember why you chose this path instead of that one. It’s an anchor in times of doubt. And it keeps you aligned when the outside noise gets too loud.

For more on making better decisions, I highly recommend Clear Thinking by Shane Parrish.

7. List your go-to people

Sure, you think you know who your people are. But when things get tough, you might lose your bearings.

That’s why I keep a note with who to call for what.

I call my grandfather to laugh about anything and everything. I call Léa and Chloé for career advice. Augusta or Johanna when I need a listening ear. Ornella when I need honesty—and a kick in the ass.

Having this written down saves me from scrambling in difficult moments to figure out who I can really lean on.

8. Accept that we’re all the villain in someone’s story

This, to me, is the real key to not caring. It’s impossible to please everyone. It’s impossible to always be blameless. Even when you try your best, you’ll still end up being “wrong” in someone’s eyes.

The solution isn’t to stop caring about everything and everyone—it’s to accept that if someone wants to see a problem in you, they will. That’s just how it goes.

There are people who could hand me front-row tickets to the Eras Tour and I’d still dislike them—because even when I try to be open-minded, I’m human. Just like you.

So all you need to do is stick to your rules. If that bothers someone, there’s plenty of space elsewhere. People don’t need to keep their noses in your business.

I’m far from unbothered all the time. Sometimes I get hurt more than I’d like to admit. But I keep learning—and I’m grateful for every situation that teaches me to put on my duckling feathers, let the water roll off my back, and keep moving without flinching.

I hope you manage to do the same.

We are here to build deeper, slower, wiser. Read Espiègle’s manifesto